Can't actually be fucked with anything anymore. Just want to walk away from my life and start again with new friends etc. In reality, what will happen, because I never seem to be able to follow any decent plans through, is I'll sober up, I'll change my mind and convince myself that everything is OK as it is and actually, I'm really happy living like this, living as a nobody with someone who really deserves someone a lot more mature and stable and pretty and blar blar fucking blar.
DBT isn't starting for 10 months at least now, I'm not entitled to benefits, income support, etc etc because I'm living with someone who works. So basically, if you're unemployed you have to sponge off your partner. I have my pride. I'd actually much rather live on the streets than be seen to be doing that. It's humiliating enough being unemployed than become dependent on a man. I was not brought up to do this, so I never shall. Maybe I'll move out in December to my own place. Everything is falling apart with us anyway, I can feel it. I give it a month, if not before, and then I'll have fucked everything up. As usual. Well done me.
Oh where the fuck is Ketamine Sid when you need him? He is the only one that makes any fucking sense anymore!
I'm now going to take advantage of my drunken state and inflict some well-deserved cutting punishment on my exterior body.
